" He elaborated: "Fuck no — are you fucking shitting me?
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We have things to do, like our taxes and shitting.
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It looked like Zuck came thisclose to shitting his pants!
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They didn't realize we were shitting all over the network.
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You know that stupid face dogs have when they're shitting?
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There's nothing else to do while I'm shitting one out.
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Or more succinctly: "People are shitting on each other," Chen says.
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You take shitting out your ass for granted, is the thing.
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Do I need my horse's dynamic testicle physics and shitting patterns?
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"You have got to be shitting me, Zara," she tweeted initially.
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As McKane said, "A dog farting is funny but shitting isn't."
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It's fair to say that everyone is shitting themselves about this.
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I was kind of shitting my pants as this was happening.
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I am tired of shitting and spewing at the same time.
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How do you stop horses from shitting all over the place?
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Sadly we have #shithole leaders like Trump shitting on us everyday.
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But this is the fucking American dream she is shitting on.
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Chris: They know when they're shitting somewhere they're not supposed to.
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The one where Davos tells Tormund he always spends the night before a battle walking far enough away from camp so no-one can hear him shitting his guts out, and Tormund bids him "happy shitting"?
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As far as shitting on Jerry goes, this season upped the ante.
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Just quit shitting around and get him the fuck out of there.
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This fuzz tone is the sound of God shitting on your life.
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"I've been fucking shitting myself all day," she told the Irish crowd.
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Trump has now made shitting on Baltimore part of his campaign speeches.
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" "Sadly we have #shithole leaders like Trump shitting on us every day.
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I get to this show I'm supposed to play, sweating puking and shitting.
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You need to learn how to shoot when you're shitting yourself in fear.
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Let's just think about Kim Jong-nam shitting his pants for a second.
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And quite frankly, Whole Foods employees should be shitting their pants right now.
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You might get pangs of conscience or like pants-shitting terror and squeal.
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After a few days, though, she began shitting and pissing in the bucket.
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I heard him say, "You've got to be shitting me," under his breath.
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They sigh with joy, relishing every single second of their extended shitting session.
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Our sole responsibilities become eating, breathing, and shitting (maybe even in that order).
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I did find my "unicorn" vid, a man shitting in a squat toilet.
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I squirmed through it in 2015, and just about got away without shitting myself.
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I don't want it to look like I'm just completely shitting on the parents.
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I was, personally, shitting myself and it was definitely a 'wow moment' for me.
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It was hard to live life to the fullest when I was shitting constantly.
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Which is mostly because asking it at all means unduly shitting on the manager.
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There are three dependable ways to relax in this world: sleeping, shitting, and showering.
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I also wondered if shitting your pants was part of the normal journey to abs.
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Photo: GettyHell hath no fury like a litany of teens shitting on an app redesign.
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In sum, no, you do not need to worry about mold shitting in your coffee.
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You might be buffing your brain or might just be shitting away your limited funds.
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She's was shitting herself but after she flipped out, I reassured her it wasn't true.
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Playing Red Dead Redemption II, listening to serialized podcasts about some HBO drama, shitting. Anything.
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That was in 2003, so, to me, someone on television shitting on a car— Sure.
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You might be shitting in a sweat-lacquered plywood cupboard—but you're not an animal.
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I've done it, and I'm not shitting on it either because christ that's my entire life.
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I'm cringing at the recollection of a former roommate drunkenly shitting herself at our housewarming party.
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"You're shitting me," Ehrenreich said after he saw Ford, in a clip ET shared on Twitter.
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Or maybe it's that you should start shitting yourself in the workplace as a power move.
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Online, people with handles like TaylorFan1989 were practically shitting themselves at the prospect of her return.
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"You do not just go out and give a shitting statement against a country," he said.
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People were passed out outside of clubs, ambulances were coming, people were actually shitting their pants.
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The flies are rebelling; they're shitting all over the encasement and screwing up the AI's camera.
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Here's another look at the swing itself: Yup, that's just about what someone shitting someone looks like.
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But they also genuinely don't want to anger veterans or be seen as shitting on their interests.
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Trump is shitting on the country; his minions are worshipping his ass — Birk's points are clearly made.
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And the reason why is pretty valid: he doesn't want people shitting all over his choice monikers.
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Caves Museums Sign a Petition Shitting on US National Team Midfielder Michael BradleyDamn that is pretty mean!
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I have to make sure I'm not shitting on the sisterhood even in my waking wet dreams.
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I stopped eating during the daytime, and, eventually, I stopped shitting (I was a chronically constipated child).
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There's something extra horrible about shitting your pants when there's a toilet right in front of you.
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Imagine wearing that much money – your skin would develop a metallic sheen, you'd probably start shitting out coins.
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A quick photoshop you made of a horse shitting on the avatar of the person you're tweeting at?
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Ruminants, including cows, sheep, and goats, release approximately 100 tons of methane each year burping, farting, and shitting.
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It demystifies everything—it talks about eating, shitting, and what they are up to with downtime in space.
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Well, as much sense as a pants-shitting rumor from the other side of the world can make.
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"He complained about my dog shitting in front of the door of my neighbor's house," he told Reuters.
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Cheers, also, to the Philly fan couple with the rare effective tandem shirsey combo shitting on Chip Kelly.
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"They're probably shitting bricks," said an attorney who represents a senior Trump aide caught up in the probe.
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Pandora's rebrand was one bright spot in months of dismal press, and now PayPal is shitting all over it.
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Usually, if you watch the right apps, you can see the moment when ticket-holders start shitting their pants.
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The Varsity I love feeling like I'm shitting the food out at the same time as I'm eating it.
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And "Sentencing Day"'s fantasy of ***** shitting in a pail and/or hanging in the sun is kinda sweet.
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It makes weird sense that Hitler got his start where beer-shitting your lederhosen is a badge of honor.
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The "violently shitting during dinner at someone else's home" one would have 100 percent been reported somewhere by now.
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All that being said, yes, it makes sense that you still feel like Saturn is shitting on your parade.
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In stories of pants-shitting we see a little bit of ourselves; our frailties and all-too-human failures.
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I want to leave this weekend shitting on all of the Chateau's pool menu sparkling wines, but I can't.
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The set that follows is pure Peretti: deftly written jokes covering everything from male-comic clichés to shitting vs.
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Or maybe it's the livestock wandering around that create the perverse atmosphere, constantly shitting and pissing and having intercourse.
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I was hot, then cold; I was vomiting and shitting myself; I didn't sleep for the first 30 days.
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" Another House Democrat was less poetic but blunter about what had happened: "It's literally like shitting out a diamond.
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Basically, they behave with a lack of self-awareness that can only come from shitting over everyone else for millennia.
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Even staunch "Constitutionalists" like Ted Cruz seem fine with Trump shitting (or more accurate, peeing) all over their sacred text.
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You don't know when and you don't know how, but you know this will end with a massive pants-shitting.
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Crouppen doesn't hold back in criticizing the multi-billionaire for shitting all over the city and residents before skipping town.
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But I am really into [thing], and it bums me out to hear you shitting on something I'm excited about.
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I can't believe I've spent the last 40 minutes shitting on Leonard Cohen and now I'm saying how great Switchfoot is.
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Wombats take the concept of "shitting bricks" quite literally, and are known to drop around 100 curiously cubic poops every night.
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Which would've presumably meant hundreds of distressed, loud, shitting animals crammed into cages in a small space with no natural light.
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Within an hour, I had gone into full labor—I'll spare you a long description, but: contractions, vomiting, bleeding, crying, shitting.
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I feel like it would be a couple of days before she was drinking green tea, shitting all over the place.
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If I spray-painted myself brown and hopped on the cover of Vogue magazine and just started shitting on my ex.
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Lillian tries to run to the bathroom across the street, but ends up shitting outside in her expensive French designer dress.
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All I'm trying to say is that it we should all try harder at figuring shit out rather than shitting on things.
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And urgent because a small delay getting to a toilet can make the difference between a normal day and shitting your pants.
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He lived on the porch, but I often snuck him into my room, despite his love of shitting only on my bed.
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One of the most common mini-games involves sitting on a toilet and shitting by rotating analog sticks over and over again.
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He apologizes for "shitting all over" that for his brother, and thanks him for being there when he was at his lowest.
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Through the shitting and the fevers and my overwhelming anxiety, he was going to be there, whether I liked it or not.
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Nope. Story two: Any story based around "explosively shitting yourself" already sounds far too playground-rumor for me to ever fully believe.
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If you equate "help" with shitting your brains out you're in luck, cause lemon water actually can possibly help you do that.
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The most unnerving thing was not shitting on a guy, but the fact that I could hear him chomping on my logs.
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They maybe fire off one or two shots before a gang of eagles is poking their eyes out and shitting on them.
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Just imagine Jingle All the Way, but with substantially less budget, and substantially more jokes about Larry the Cable guy shitting himself.
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No one can beat death—but maybe beating it is cruising along passively, taking what comes, and explosively shitting where you may.
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It didn't look like immediately shitting your pants during a date because a car honked too loudly outside the restaurant window (true story).
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"There's a part of me that feels bad about shitting on McDonald's, because they love the black community," he confessed to the audience.
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It's a baffling behavior, because dogs tend to be averse to the stinky stuff, not shitting in their own beds, so to speak.
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You can't revolutionize an art form by shitting on it, unless it's the late 80s and you're getting an NEA grant for it.
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Hard rain had fallen on the shell of the former cafeteria all night, frightening the gulls into new heights of screaming and shitting.
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With that in mind, I'm here to get you excited for baseball season by shitting on every team and ranking them by likability.
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I know because I've been shitting on this company's catalog every Christmas for YEARS, as a matter of both tradition and moral principle.
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"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," mutters Nick as he tries to step onto the moving floor without actually shitting his running leggings.
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So we just kept shitting on the guy on Twitter, posting photographs of things that were the opposite of what he wrote about.
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Eating, smearing, shitting on someone, and the like, is probably about as gross to me as it is to someone without the fetish.
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While he acknowledges that the LA lifestyle contains a certain amount of quotidian brutality in paradoxes having nowhere to park in a city built for driving ("I'm shitting on city planning; I'm not shitting on LA in any way"), in Los Angeles he can have a garden, his art studio, and a place to walk for coffee in the morning.
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His brains splatter on the floor while a demonic angel, Adolf Hitler, flies above Norway shitting oak leaves (a symbol of Germany) from above.
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Why would I want to tell the world my most sordid thoughts: that sometimes I obsess over everything from shitting myself to poisoning toddlers?
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And so somewhere dispersed in this live scene about what life must have been like 2000 years ago, there's a guy, uh, shitting somewhere.
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Soylent's supplier of algal flour was a company called TerraVia, who are less than thrilled with being publicly associated with shitting your brains out.
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"[Hughes'] comment was that the marine tourism industry was shitting itself about its future and it's just simply not true," McKenzie told VICE News.
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Oh, and how shitting your pants in front of all your friends in Mexico isn't the worst thing that could happen in the world.
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Also, I desperately want coffee but am scared that drinking coffee in combination with what I just ate will lead to me shitting myself.
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This post ran originally on THUMP UK.There are people in this world, definitely millions, possibly billions in fact, who love nothing more than shitting.
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There are numerous times throughout the past 10 years when I've had food poisoning or something, and I'm puking and shitting my ass off.
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But Von Wong's photography genuinely is thought provoking, generally has a pro-environment message, and he's not merely shitting out new stuff every day.
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After starving and shitting ourselves for a day we began a two-week diet free of sugar, salt, dairy, meat, gluten, caffeine and alcohol.
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While I tried to joke things off, the shame I felt shitting myself was compounded by the fact that my latest weigh-in was bad.
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For a fan of the two teams, a hockey Game 7 is the closest humankind has yet come to collectively shitting out its own heart.
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The letter is well worth revisiting any time you find yourself "bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning, horse-shitting, hair-splitting, nit-picking, piss-trickling," etc.
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Venus rules art and beauty, but it also rules cash, and Venus won't send any musical inspiration your way if you're mentally shitting on money.
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" That's not uncommon, according to the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America, which also acknowledges that symptoms like incontinence and constant shitting can ruin "the mood.
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Slow video installations of chum slicks sliding along the hull, or of gulls shitting in the former cafeteria, had won eyetime and several important prizes.
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Say I'm a city councilman in Selma, Alabama, and I look out my window: There's a horse walking down the street, shitting as it goes.
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I clung to the advice my hilarious friend Dylan gave me when I asked him about how to avoid shitting the bed on the road.
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Even if your one hobby is shitting yourself in sleeping bags and that's your thing, and everyone back home knows it's your thing—no problem!
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"Getting overheated would be my concern, not to mention defacating while walking down the aisle"Lastly, with any animal, the risk of shitting must be considered.
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One idea was "shitting on 'moot' and 4chan," but he ultimately settled on writing about his support of eugenics for people like himself with genetic diseases.
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I think that'll always have some relevance because there's still a need for that mechanical process of industry execs shitting out a product for people's entertainment.
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"I'm a reader, so I always read a book instead of check out my TV." Video of Shaliene Woodley shitting on TV at the #Emmys . pic.twitter.
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Many, many women have been in touch with me since to tell me about "period shits", a unique way of shitting women have that sounds bad.
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I've gotten flack from potters—who are unsurprisingly older, white men—who think I'm shitting on 'their' medium," he says, adding, "But that's kind of thrilling.
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That first time you walk in, and everyone's just sitting there shitting, you're just like, 'Oh, I gotta sit and take a shit like everybody else.
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It's like blaming a five-star chef for a restaurant's failure when the wait staff is shitting in all the food in front of the customers.
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I mean, we should probably loop back around to shitting: don't shit in the bathroom, as mentioned, but don't shit anywhere that isn't the bathroom either.
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Most of them probably just figured out how to avoid shitting themselves, I doubt they're going to be able to grasp the concept of a force out.
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This week, I got food poisoning, in a cheeky full stop to a year that often felt, emotionally speaking, like barfing and shitting at the same time.
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Just a few bites of tainted potato salad could leave you in the back of an Uber, shitting your seersucker shorts and vomiting into a plastic bag.
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That is very different than somebody who aligns with the current administration shitting on groups of people who have long been underserved and marginalized in our country.
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It claims that during the national anthem a horn let off the supposed "brown note", causing the crowd to immediately start wetting themselves and uncontrollably shitting everywhere.
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It was around this time that it became in vogue for popstars to try their hand at dubstep, further shitting on the underground nature of the genre.
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But after shitting out a bunch of half-truths and confirming his sexual predation, Louis C.K.'s back to being the tell-it-like-it-is guy?
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I never thought I'd be shitting on a flimsy paper hammock but here I am, hoping I don't miss my target and that the paper doesn't rip.
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"When he says shitposting he means in both the regular sense (ironic trolling online) and the more literal sense (him shitting himself for others amusement)," he said.
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We all remember what happens: After killing Shae for her betrayal, Tyrion, armed with a crossbow, confronts Tywin, his demeaning father, while he's literally shitting on the toilet.
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Ruminants—cows, sheep, and goats—release about 100 million tons of methane each year by farting, burping, and shitting, accounting for roughly 20 percent of global methane emissions.
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My personal view is that we should ban it, but that's because I just reported on it and don't want to increase my risk of shitting my pants.
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Look we're all pervs I'm jus [sic] trying to be responsible... oh, and the rest is just me trying to figure out my humiliating shitting in public dreams.
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What a Lovely Pair: Our Story by Ant McPartlin & Declan Donnelly 'FIRST-TIMERS SHITTING THEMSELVES MIGHT DO SOMETHING STUPID'Philip, 30, has been sentenced to 30 months for assault.
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Here, on Earth, the problems of eating, breathing, and shitting are all solved; there, whether in space, on Mars, or on any other planet, they are maddeningly difficult.
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"—Glen, 232 For some, escaping the heat of the barracks was an ambivalent prospect, given they had no idea where they would be going: "I was shitting myself.
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But, to be fair, this is actually quite a reasonable way to frame a question that's hard to ask without sounding like you're unduly shitting on the manager.
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For the next eight years, she lived the lifestyle—squatting in abandoned buildings, drinking, dumpster diving, shitting into bags, getting into fights, and traveling the world with her dog.
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The final guy was a little bit more composed: he handed their unfortunate friend a comically small towel and simply said, "Are you shitting me?" h/t The Score
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This book collects Jane Mai's loose and sketchy diary comics in which she is constantly shitting, pissing, vomiting, sneezing, and having anxiety or joy related to these body functions.
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One Friday, I bought a kilo of lamb shoulder and braised it with almonds and raisins, Tiznit-style, and I spent the next day shitting out my stomach lining.
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I've seen everything you'd expect a security guard to see—from a guy shitting in an aisle to a well-dressed doctor stealing duck breasts during the holiday season.
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Announced at 2015's E3 by its creative director Martin Sahlin, who was visibly shitting himself, Unravel looked like nothing else revealed at the game's industry's highest-profile expo.
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TPain dropping F Bombs and shitting on a show that made a whole new generation in America fall in love with him, then he wants to talk about Taylor's boob?
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When Melissa McCarthy exploded onto the screen in 2011's Bridesmaids — stealing dogs and shitting in sinks with glee and abandon — she was breaking the rules on a new level.
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They were there to establish the outer limits in each movie's Overton Window of raunch: next to McCarthy shitting in the sink, Kristen Wigg projectile vomiting doesn't seem so bad.
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The burglar, Christian (Devon Graye), is introduced while shitting in a home owner's toilet tank during a party, then stealing her jewelry and brutally beating one of the party guests.
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Use your bare fingers to prime the stove, fiddle with a stuck zipper pull, or wipe after shitting, and you could end up with frostbite in a matter of minutes.
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This is why services like Apple Pay, Samsung Pay, Stripe, and the DOA CurrentC are being developed, and why Visa, currently the biggest name in payments, is slightly shitting itself.
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While most of her peers are busy shitting their pants and crying, six-month-old Zyla St. Onge is out there putting other babies to shame and setting world records.
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They've got to go for the occasional mum and dad coming in looking for a Hendrix LP as opposed to somebody who wants that new Shitting Toadstools LP they love.
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I'll tell you a secret: if Elliotte Friedman likes something, it's probably OK. Second of all, why are we openly shitting on what children under the age of nine like?
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Stroup, attempting to run from an arrest warrant issued in 1998, made his way to Calgary where he assumed the pseudonym of, and I'm not shitting you here, Joop Cousteau.
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Over the weekend, her boyfriend of two years told her he "wanted to take a break and find himself," so we spend the better part of a hour shitting on men.
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Fooling people into watching the pretty dress movie, then setting up a poisoning kink where the main character really likes literally vomiting and shitting himself half to death—that's next level.
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A couple of times I've stood up, then sat down, then stood back up to wash my hands, only to realize I wasn't done shitting, then I've sat back down AGAIN.
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I don't think I did it to such a degree that it was a complete disaster but I did it a little bit, it was the Diet Coke of shitting myself.
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All of which is to say that he is deeply un-Buddhist, and his emotions are loudly living and sleeping and shitting in the driver's seat of his mental hot rod.
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At the top of the page is a new song from The Darkness, called "Solid Gold," the opening line is about people shitting themselves, and gold lamé is a good look.
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I know most people tell you that if you want to avoid violently shitting at 15-minute intervals, you need to wait until you get to a supermarket or a proper restaurant.
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But, as much as I can empathize with preferring to stay home in sweats, it also seems like there's something unnecessarily judgmental about the way Schumer is shitting on the Met Gala.
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But the zenith of this season was this week's "Ship It," a glorious pocket of 40-something minutes in which a housewife literally shitting herself is the third subplot of the episode.
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Resi 22014 is regularly singled out as the preeminent third-person action game, while Capcom's 26 remake of the 1996 original remains one of the most pants-shitting experiences in gaming history.
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There is never enough to eat, their shoes fall to pieces from marching, their clothes are torn and rotting, and half of them are shitting in their breeches from drinking bad water.
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Tell the country you quite fancy another Stella gone eleven on a Tuesday night and the country will look at you like you just admitted to shitting into sandpits in broad daylight.
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Shitting your pants and then casting a spell to magically disappear the mess might sound disgusting, but it's a huge improvement compared to how people actually managed poop in the 18th century.
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You'll see people bleed after being publicly whipped, subs tied up in ways that defy human physiology, and guys sipping beers in their diapers, shitting themselves without a care in the world.
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At high levels, it can cause convulsions, nosebleeds, loss of nervous system control, and involuntary shitting and pissing your pants, according to a fact sheet I found on the University of Kentucky website.
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There is never enough to eat, their shoes fall to pieces from the marching, their clothes are torn and rotting, and half of them are shitting in their breeches from drinking bad water.
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It could not be confirmed by press time whether Amber Heard was ready to spend a year and a half shitting into a bag to then go die a horrible death on Mars.
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I wasn't too far past the stage of my life when I was still shitting myself and getting away with it so, to all extents and purposes, Wenger is all I've ever known.
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In May, Thomas Tramaglini, the Superintendent of the Kenilworth School District, was arrested for pooping on a nearby high school track in New Jersey where he'd reportedly been shitting on a daily basis.
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Sure, the hook sampling Jadakiss is cool, and Birdman's verse about shitting on a jet is fun, but Wayne is the centerpiece, and this is one of his many coronations on Birdman's behalf.
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I swapped a social life for steroids through an IV drip, the freedom of grocery shopping for controlled diets, and sleeping in late for nearly shitting myself on the way to hospital appointments.
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That said, go back far enough and there are some very valid reasons to drag women's magazines that don't involve shitting on people for being interested in fashion or makeup or home decor.
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If people were eating more of the whole animal, we would have to raise less animals, ostensibly, and there would be less pigs and cows shitting and farting and fucking up our shit.
|
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"Most of us just shit our pants right in front of everyone," one student says in the new trailer amid a hellish Snapchat montage of students shitting on the floor and in trash cans.
|
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"I don't know if you've come to the right place for jokes tonight," Trevor Noah, the host of the "Daily Show", began (though he sneaked one in with a comment about "shitting [his] pants").
|
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But, hey, maybe the pants-shitting anxiety of having zero bullets and a prison full of zombies with Mr. X also barreling down your ass is kind of a turn off for you. Understandable!
|
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According to police, the mystery pooper who'd been shitting on the Holmdel High School track every morning wasn't some angry student failing gym—it was the superintendent of a neighboring school district, NJ.com reports.
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They started filming their friends, colleagues, and family squirming in terror as they saw two grown women shitting into a cup, eating the contents of said cup, and vomiting it in the same container.
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We limit ourselves to vowel sounds and grunts, and just get back in touch with our primal selves, roaming around the apartment, pissing and shitting at will, and foraging for scraps of salami. Heaven.
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While Laboe's tale is perhaps the most plausible explanation, another compelling (and possibly related) theory came from Regan Murphy, mayor of Robbinsdale, Minnesota, who tweeted about his dad's stolen monkey shitting all over a bedroom.
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I was uncomfortably horny watching Rent Boy OD on the floor of his Edinburgh squat, and my reaction to Spud shitting the bed following a one-night stand was one of delight rather than horror.
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For the past year, local residents have been shitting their pants over the train's impending closure, the primary source of transportation for local residents, and how it will affect our lives for better or worse.
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I could try and keep going with the experiment and make a push for a short-term six-pack, though what I had been doing during the eight-day challenge had lead to shitting myself twice.
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Between searing visuals of students shitting themselves in the halls and deadly serious retellings of the incident, this is highbrow poop humor, the likes of which our childhood selves — and hell, our adult selves — dream of.
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It's always been about liberating women, especially, because we're made to feel like garbage if we want to have sex, even though it's a basic human function like eating and shitting—I'm sorry, but it is.
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Imagine Conor McGregor, the most famous MMA fighter of them all who already said Trump can "shut his big fat mouth," shitting on the new president while holding two belts and blood dripping from his brow.
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Khaled has become the public face of Snapchat as the ascendent new social media platform, the guy who finally made ad execs start shitting their pants in their hurry to develop a strategy for the app.
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Seeing Brady fuck up like that and not be able to bitch at himself the way he has at wide receivers was the most satisfying part of the Patriots shitting their pants against a backup quarterback.
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It's the power to avoid the muséal, the easy-sell Keep Calm and Deep House, and to testify to the historical transcendent power of your art without shitting all over history through exploiting and denigrating your influences.
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From there, Love's sophomore bow finds its characters stumbling (and occasionally succeeding) through matters of the heart, all while balancing extra romantic concerns ranging from addiction-treatment programs, to professional struggles, to dogs shitting on expensive rugs.
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If Wayne's label situation continues to be an object of fascination, it's surely in part because it feels like such a crime to keep him sequestered away when he should be out there shitting on the competition.
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It's pleasant but it's not like the dulcet vocals of Martin Page will drown out the sound of a dude next to you shitting his brains out while he's simultaneously blasting Joe Rogan's podcast without headphones on.
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I spent many hours literally shitting myself through the original Doom as a seven-year-old lusting after the BFG, knowing it could help make all my problems disappear back to hell with a click of my finger.
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You break up when you move to London and he stays in your college town, trying to get freshmen to listen to that story about the time Tommo was shitting and throwing up at the same time. Wow!
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There were a few times that shook me from my daze when he'd ask me to stop shitting so that he'd have time to chew, and it would reoccur to me that I was pooping on someone's face.
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Kids, too—especially in the case of illness, behavioral problems, or something called "encopresis" (do a quick Google search of "kids shitting their pants" and trust me, it's the best you'll ever feel about not being a parent).
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As this cat was staring directly into my eyes while shitting in her litter box, which was set up in the closet, I started laughing uncontrollably at the thought of this cat actually owning the apartment—a cat landlord.
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Most importantly for our purposes, he appears to have made a decades-long career out of songs about shagging and shitting: This is "Anybody Seen My Cock" which is ostensibly about animals but is obviously also very much not.
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The 2563th Generation Intel Core™ i5-8265U is a quad-core processor that offers a TurboBoost frequency of 3.9 GHz, meaning you can count on it to run multiple videos, browsers, or spreadsheets at once without shitting out.
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He took the essential Rabelaisian position that by asserting the humanness of humanity, the sheer animal absurdity of eating and shitting and fucking and lying, we can stop pretending and accept that we are all the same ruined creature.
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Even when the sentences are meant to stir up feelings, such as when we hear an official say in staged earnestness, "Our hearts are with you," we might as well be listening to flies shitting on the President's forehead.
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The only comments I received about my appearance were in praise of my increasingly outlandish outfits—when there are burlesque performers shitting on stage and squirting into shot glasses, it's really hard to be shocked by a girl with one arm.
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With little more than a week until the midterm elections, it's hard not to read too much into the grotesque figures of Francis Bacon, the hilarious shitting clown by Bruce Nauman, or the hyper-real portraits of Miles Aldridge's plastic women.
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The last five minutes of Killing Them Softly may seem like Jackie is just shitting on the whole idea of America (which probably explains why it got one of the worst focus group scores of all time), but listen to him.
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She has a predilection for recounting embarrassing moments in historic locations—bleeding through her pants at the White House, nearly shitting her pants at the Vatican (she has IBS)—and her candor is what makes this a surprisingly good advice book.
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Fronted by Jessicka Addams—with her jet black hair, permanently smudged lipstick and a voice that code-switches between childlike innocence and pants-shitting horror in seconds—Jack Off Jill encapsulated pretty much everything about being miserable, furious, and female.
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Instead, after a comfortable week of no shitting, my plumbing went right back to normal—actually, if I'm being totally honest, a little better than normal, since frequency and volume went down and who doesn't want smaller, less frequent shits, right?
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In 2007, if your friends didn't trick you into watching a very specific clip of two women kissing, shitting in a cup, eating their own shit, and then vomiting everything in their mouths, they probably didn't spend much time online.
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Instead, half the population with decent health care will–no shitting you–have eggs grown from human skin and fertilized with sperm, then have the entire genome of about 100 embryo samples sequenced, peruse the highlights, and pick the best model to implant.
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On Saturday, amid another Jets pant-shitting against the Miami Dolphins, Joe Namath condemned the franchise that made him famous by saying even Romo is too smart to don a Jets jersey for what surely would be an unfortunate year or two.
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It's flavored, liberally, with horrible Bannon rhetoric, praising "presidential" patriotic ideals, shitting on "liberal" college values, comparing Obama to a famed disney movie wherein "a charismatic muslim protagonist lies about his heritage to con his way into higher office," and so on.
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A lot of the kinds of things you write comics about are topics that teachers and parents and stuff tend to try to iron out of kids as they age: shitting and fucking and eating too much, basically all of life's essentials.
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With that in mind, photographer João Botelho and I visited the bathrooms of some of Copenhagen's most iconic clubs and venues to document the crude energy accumulated from years of fucking, puking, sniffing, pissing, laughing, crying, shitting, passing out, stickering and tagging.
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At some point young people are going to demand more from club culture than an infinite stretch of branded warehouse parties, "big tunes," Patrick Topping's taste in T-shirts, shit memes and legendary stories about people shitting themselves while on dodgy ket.
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The party's over Croydon and no, your mate is definitely not allowed back in to get his jacket, I caught him shitting into the mop bucket, and will you please stop swinging that mop at me, it's covered in your mates shit.
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Ultimately, Yael breaks away and winds up pounding on the bathroom door, knowing she can't hold it in any longer...and that's how Yael ends up shitting herself in a white dress on national television, while Darius, along with the cast and crew, looks on.
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I stepped out with a little notebook and started making sketches of the most basic things; the bodega signs, the "Jesus Saves" signs, the storefronts, the fire hydrants, the dogs shitting – the whole neighborhood had fallen into total neglect because the city didn't keep up.
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If you translate the tweets from Australian to American (and frankly this would be a useful translation feature for all of the internet) these Twitter users are talking about Prime Minister Morrison supposedly shitting his pants in a suburban McDonald's on September 13, 1997.Seriously.
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Instead of penis art, the crime this time revolves around excrement — specifically, who carried out three poop-related crimes at an affluent Catholic school in Washington state, the first and most extreme of which involved tainted lemonade and hundreds of students shitting themselves in the hallways?
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The Season 3 finale "The Rickchurian Mortydate" included ample nods to Minecraft, even featuring a scene inside the upcoming Minecraft VR. But, in a show known for shitting on everything (and coming from a character who holds nothing dear), Rick actually takes a liking to Minecraft.
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Drake won his beef with Meek Mill by making two songs declaring he had won, rather than actually shitting on Meek's character or addressing Meek's accusations that he employed ghostwriters or that some guy had peed on him in a movie theater, and we fucking loved it.
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The resulting video has got everything a good ad campaign shouldn't: older men spying on children from sand dunes, close-ups of the act of shitting on said children, and children who inexplicably respond to being shit on by giggling and rubbing it into their skin.
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That low bar added an element of comedy to everyone on the Republican side of the aisle, not just pro-Trumpers, celebrating the pick—you couldn't help but feel it was on par with a pet owner praising a dog for not shitting in the house.
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The video of a man shitting on the floor of a nightclub has since vanished from Twitter, but if you weren't lucky enough to see it in all it's squalidly viral glory in the haze of a Sunday morning hangover, a few grainy screengrabs do still exist.
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There certainly wasn't any way that Trump was going to leave the topic alone after he said NFL owners should fire the "son of a bitch" protestors and unleashed a tweetstorm that fast-tracked this debate to CrazyTown, leaving NFL owners shitting their pants back in September.
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Foldit, a puzzle game that helps scientists with protein structure prediction, is portrayed with revolutionary fervor, while the deaths of gamers at South Korean and Chinese internet cafes is, in Herzog's opinion, a horrific omen of countless grown adults shitting their adult diapers as they amuse themselves to death.
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Spurred by McGregor's out-of-nowhere retirement tweet, the UFC announced that it had pulled McGregor-Diaz II from its UFC 200 headlining spot because he'd skipped out on a press conference and other media obligations, a decision McGregor justified by way of shitting on the state of Connecticut.
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You may have seen it floating around Facebook last week among the hundreds of thousands of posts from disgusting NFL fans shitting their sweatpants about a black player forgetting to say please and thank you during their weekly excuse to slowly kill themselves with cheese-infused fried man-gruel.
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Unlike Bush, whose incessant mouth diarrhea produced enough malapropisms and gaffes to literally fill books, Obama could at least make it through a press conference without shitting the bed, shining a spotlight on how unbelievably low the bar had been set for a job in the Oval Office.
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Or, at least, until one of you starts finding the other one unbearably annoying, hooks up with the hot one from work, and gradually starts ghosting out of each other's lives forever, shitting all over any hopes and dreams of reaching the pure relationship perfection of the Beckhams.
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Being adequately hydrated is also useful in preventing headaches and—if you have the wherewithal to drink a glass of water between alcoholic beverages on a night out, you're reducing the risk and severity of both a hangover and—as I've previously discussed—shitting your brains out the following day.
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Floorcest [author's note: fucking people on the same floor is considered taboo and kind of sloppy, for reasons that only be summarized as not shitting where you eat] became more and more frequent, and as a result, I remember there being a lot of constant tension between myself and others.
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" The track's an ode to the various ways the randy duo like to get their freak on, complete with Big's opening poetry: "Fuck for 'bout an hour, now she want a golden shower / You didn't know that we be pissing on hoes, bitch / Luke and Biggie straight shitting on hoes, bitch.
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A few weeks after her arrival, plagued by the panic any artist gets during a dry spell, she contemplated slinking downstairs to the supermarket to hand in her CV. Broke and living with the fear of having to move back home, Olivia was, as she puts it "kind of shitting myself".
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Calling ahead to see if you can pop by on Wednesday around 4 PM is also a big no—thinking ahead in time is an impossible concept to people responsible for a creature that needs to feed on a tit seven times a night and keeps shitting without proper warning.
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The lad was usually hysterical with excitement and, after 30 seconds of allowing their slightly inadequate homemade robot to be annihilated by Sir Killalot, the dad would usually be hissing under his breath for little Nathan to hand over the fucking, shitting controls and stop ruining several months of hard work.
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I don't make a habit out of shitting on people with weight issues, but I assure you there's nothing more dampening to a holiday spirit than leaving your hotel room with the perpetual fear of knocking over some roaming skeleton clasping a colonic irrigation bucket with a grim look of dismal determination.
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But when Tom Skerritt is in that tunnel shitting his pants, as an alien tracker ticks faster and faster—indicating that something is coming closer—it's still hard to be prepared for the exact moment when an alien comes into view for a deadly hug, causing viewers to also shit their pants.
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We Are Never Meeting in Real Life is a pure delight, with essays that range from an absurdist Bachelorette application, to a true story about shitting herself on the side of the road, to the most pitch-perfect and relatable description of compulsive spending habits after a childhood of growing up poor.
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I invite you to peruse the USA Today Sports Pictures archive and be, like, completely blown away by the energy Westbrook, with his big-ass muscles, enormous arms, and a glorious rainbow of facial expressions—Irate, lightly enraged, pants-shitting intensity, genuine good humor, sassiness, and a Rage/Joy mixture that defies any easy categorization.
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After all, Rubio announced his intent to retire from the Senate to pursue the GOP presidential nomination, which he lost; and along the way he justified that decision by basically shitting all over the Senate, which may have contributed to the fact that he lost the Florida primary by a two-to-one margin.
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Saturday saw a starting total of 16 teams reduced to just four: the French-owned Millenium, featuring all British players; their semi-final conquerors and ultimate competition winners OpTic Gaming, from the US; another British outfit, Splyce, who reach the final despite visibly shitting it in every interview; and Rise Nation, who place third.
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In the collection's other stories, women and girls do worse: If they aren't persuading someone to kill their ex-girlfriend, they're shitting on a teacher's stoop, torturing a man they're holding captive in their basement before cutting his heart out, or taking a sizable chomp out of a male coworker (perhaps he deserved it).
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Whole Foods Employees Must Be Shitting Their Pants Right NowFor 1008.113 years, Whole Foods has enjoyed the honor of being on Fortune magazine's list of the top 100…Read more ReadFollowing Amazon's bombshell announcement of an agreement to acquire the Whole Foods grocery chain for $13.7 billion, stock prices for competitors in the industry have been seesawing for weeks.
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When you've been gurning for 48 hours straight and your jaw feels like it's held together with invisible chicken wire, but you also need to eat something that isn't chewing gum, head for the nearest Yeo Valley sign and give yourself the Raspberry-flavoured gift of shitting out the last few days so you can start over.
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The things I ended up doing, just out of desperation to be doing anything; like drinking three litres of White Strike and shitting my pants in a play park, or getting bum-fingered by my best friend's straight Irish cousin behind the primary school, replacing lube for vodka to get me blasted quicker – and then telling everyone about it.
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I was recently speaking to a mate of mine about shitting in nightclubs—which just in case my mum is reading, is a perfectly normal topic of conversation when you make a living from writing about the intricacies of club etiquette, honestly—and he confessed that he's used the men's in every single club he's ever been to.
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Whole Foods Employees Must Be Shitting Their Pants Right NowFor 20 years, Whole Foods has enjoyed the honor of being on Fortune magazine's list of the top 100…Read more ReadThe home owner, Andrew Wingrave, tells The Sun that he was alerted to the receptacle of poo when his 14-year-old son informed him that he'd seen a delivery driver squatting outside.
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I just want a thing on my phone I can open up while I'm taking a shit or riding the subway (literally, after I typed the first sentence of this, I went to go take a shit in the office bathroom and read some tweets while shitting) and see some funny jokes or maybe a link to a news article.
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Like the perfect prequel to the four-series show that would air from 2002 to 2005, showing us everything from their Pomeranians shitting in the house to Ozzy's near-death quad bike accident, that episode of the channel's celebrity interiors show distilled so much of what would turn The Osbournes into MTV's most successful show to date, at that time.
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The Super Bowl and all the attendant hype is a successful effort to pretend that all these other complicating factors don't exist, don't matter; to pretend that the rockets on the rocket belts aren't fueled by hydrogen peroxide, that the pigeons aren't going to end up shitting on everything; to pretend that professional football is action without consequence, an image without a negative.
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If his sculptures are to hold any water, then the cast brass shaduf in 2014's River of Fundament (the artist's five-and-a-half-hour epic opera inspired by Norman Mailer's Ancient Evenings), must contain at least as much magnetism as the film's footage of actor Paul Giamatti (in the part of pharaoh Phah-Nem-Hotep) shitting in it.
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Watching an interloper (who claims to love punk whilst shitting on literally everything it stands for) stride in and embarass himself by insulting someone who represents decades of blood, sweat, stitches, and hard fucking work is cringeworthy at best, and a damning example of why it's been so shitty watching high-end fashion brands (and even fast fashion emporiums like H&M) co-opt underground subcultures.
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You want to believe a dude standing in front of reporters and blowing his own fucking trumpet while the world he's paid to help build is crumbling around him is going to be proven wrong, that the people he is shitting on night after night will stand up and yell fuck you buddy, I don't need you, I have everything I need deep in myself.
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Let us take a quick survey for a second: The climate is shitting the bed with no sign of stopping, technology is either systematically eroding our ability at real connection or just blatantly gearing up to kill us all, and the news is just an unending stream of stories about how the leader of the free world got spanked with a magazine by a porn star or whatever.
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While Twitter's letter runs to two pages, the second of which points to a December 2017 Brexit bot study by researchers at the Oxford Internet Institute, also relying on data from Twitter's public streaming API, which Twitter says "found little evidence of links to Russian sources" — literally right after shitting on research conducted by "researchers using our public APIs" — Collins is clearly not wooed by either the quantity or the quality of the intelligence being so tardily provided.
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A half-assed replica of Coachella, teepees instead of disaster relief tents and three days of a rotating stream of Kardashians shouting "IS EVERYONE HAVING A GOOD TIME?" to the same Calvin Harris DJ set would have had everyone booked again for the following year —Dipo Faloyin Hindsight is a beautiful thing, and maybe if Billy had followed planner/pilot Keith van der Linde's advice of "going to Home Depot and buying a thousand toilets," people wouldn't be pissing and shitting all over each other's mattresses.
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It is the nurse putting fucking stitches in my head, it is my girlfriend's mouth splaying open after I leave her alone at a party for someone she doesn't know to talk her ear off about something she doesn't care about, it is my editor rolling his eyes over a blatant misspelling of whatever ten dollar word I'm trying to shoehorn into a basketball blog, trying to slice 200 bloating words out of the self-same blog, it's me, myself, reading about the President of the United States shitting all over American foreign policy.
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