Pornhub, as it so happens, is attempting to make itself into a one-stop shop for both jacking off and learning about jacking off.
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Jacking off to morons like, 'Ooh, look at my tits!
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There was a folder full of pictures of this dude jacking off.
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But I'm not jacking off on girls and making millions in the process.
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There are people all around the country right now jacking off to your typical mum-bod.
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The day Ted Cruz got caught jacking off comes to my mind, but other than that?
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Dylan goes from executions to jacking off in record time, while Weezy compares himself to STDs, goblins, and a lawnmower.
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Probably jacking off to a "meme," whatever that was, or buying perfume for the Bog Girl on her credit cards.
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Phone sex is not webcam; it's not some girl sitting in a chat room with 500 guys jacking off to her.
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Instead, the comments section was full of people calling me sick and casting me as some psycho jacking off to torture porn.
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Then the woman pulled out her laptop and started playing a loud video of her having sex while the dude started jacking off under a blanket.
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Things like getting a rash across your chest after you come, one of your testes ascending while you're jacking off, or not being able to pee afterwards.
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GUN OIL ($11.95) 43/5 RATINGThis lube was inspired by CLP liquid, an industrial lube used in guns—and also, apparently, by soldiers jacking off while deployed overseas.
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I love Cassavetes, and he goes so wild and so deep inside, but, you know, you don't want to see him having sex or taking a shit or jacking off.
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"I don't think jacking off is any worse or better than taking a shit," said a guy we'll call Tony, who masturbated at multiple jobs while he was in high school.
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I just want to go to a library and ask for, 'Hi ma'am I'm looking for a book about early Abraham Lincoln and—[mimics jacking off] wish I could wrap your hair around my dick.
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Jokes about PTSD, killing people, hazing, jacking off in guard towers, goat-fucking, chai boys, and salacious female lieutenants have been circulating among lower-enlisted combat troops since long before I joined the Army in 2006.
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We can jack into the matrix before jacking off, and transform our naked bodies into collections of pixels traveling through internet tubes, but we're still just sacks of meat looking mash our bodies up against one another.
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I'm currently single, so—while I can't pretend my parents will shimmer with pride when they eventually stumble upon this "piece"—I'm not going to make it any worse by writing a paean to the restorative effects of jacking off.
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Then there's the best moment of the finale, where Bachmann delivers a long explanation of the Machiavellian maneuvers he undertook to get the company more funding—it's impossible to describe but it involves a lot of name-dropping of real-life VCs and jacking off (but not to completion) at a hardware store.
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If I were the wasted frat guy d-bag reviewing this, I'd say, "Nice package," followed by "That's what she said," followed by projectile vomiting all over the unit, followed by passing out and breaking my dick because I was also jacking off to hockey-fight videos online while I was reviewing it.
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When I tell men about that now, they say, "He 100 percent didn't delete the file," and if that's true, which I think it might be, I like to picture his face after jacking off to the photos, morose and remorseful about how badly he messed up, and I feel that's punishment enough for breaking his promise.
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Colby Starck is a Chicago-based drummer who plays with Bobby Conn and Head of Femur (band). He began playing with himself in front of a mirror with a go big red hotdog look alike James. Jacking off Lincoln, Nebraska bands Roosevelt Franklin and Pablo's Triangle in the 1990s down by the school yard. For the encore "Power jangs" Schultz a used up groupie got banged by gangs of these soft metal parking lot bands from Lincoln.
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Konietzko stated that the band overused guitars on their previous album, Angst, saying it sounded "like guitarists jacking off". On Nihil, the guitars were mixed in last. Durante had recently purchased a triple-neck Fender steel guitar in Houston, and used it during recording sessions, but added a significant amount of distortion to it, making it sound like a "regular" guitar but giving it what he called a "sliding" sound. Konietzko also brought in a trio of horn players to perform on "Disobedience", saying he had always wanted a horn section in a KMFDM song, but that he had never been able to afford it before.
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