"Raise your right hand … repeat after me," he deadpanned.
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" To the camera, Wainstein deadpanned: "Thanks for the memo.
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" Letterman, a frequent President Trump critic, deadpanned, "I'm 70.
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"All my daughter saw were 24 useless boobs," he deadpanned.
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"My first job was cleaning out breast pumps," Hemsworth deadpanned.
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"I don't even know what reality is -- literally," she deadpanned.
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"I'd love to be in Matt Lauer's jeans," Goodman deadpanned.
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"We'll see how long that lasts," Spencer deadpanned before chuckling.
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"You always like facing the best," Manager Aaron Boone deadpanned.
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"It's the missing link," she deadpanned, "in the courthouse display."
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" He deadpanned, "I sent a copy to Jeff Sessions, too.
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" So I deadpanned, "Yes, that was the point of my story.
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"Better prices on transportation would be acceptable to us," he deadpanned.
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"No," Simmons deadpanned when asked about additional pressure after the game.
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" Clinton deadpanned, "I think it absolutely proves their case, don't you?
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"Yeah, that was tough," Obama deadpanned, prompting laughs from the audience.
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"Fair, I get it," she deadpanned in response to the image.
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" Cook then deadpanned, "Maybe I should have called on someone else.
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" When he asked where she got her numbers, Bee deadpanned, "Reality.
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"He's a little too close to the material," Mr. Tolan deadpanned.
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"I wanna thank everybody for honoring us in this way," Stanfield deadpanned.
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"I was lucky I didn't fall off," he deadpanned to Associated Press.
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"They should investigate the Bidens," Trump deadpanned, referring to the Ukrainian government.
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"There's a special place in hell, and we're all there," she deadpanned.
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"Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was gonna win in a landslide," he deadpanned.
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"Blow them all up," he deadpanned, with a wave of his hand.
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"For some strange reason, we're all happy to see you," Varney deadpanned.
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"But it won't come with any Hilton or Marriott points," DeWit deadpanned.
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"I didn't know this was going to be this long," he deadpanned.
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"Let me tell you of my love of Mexico," Ms. Graham deadpanned.
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"I think it's safe to say that's a family trait," Pete deadpanned.
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"If people want to, we can tie them up," Ms. Urbaityte deadpanned.
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" Young waited a beat or two and then deadpanned, "That's my sound, man.
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Even Wilmore gave props to Obama's comedy, saying, "The president's funny," he deadpanned.
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"We wound up hiring the fisherman who was the least drunk," he deadpanned.
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"I drew a lot from my paper salesman days for this," he deadpanned.
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"Well, that was a mouthful," Gillum, the mayor of Tallahassee, deadpanned in response.
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"It was awful," Johnson deadpanned about Jasmine's first trip to sit on Santa's lap.
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Asked in March how he'd fare with two kids, the star deadpanned to E!
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" As one North Carolina chair deadpanned, "the party strategy leaves votes on the table.
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"I feel bad for Melania," Apatow deadpanned during his routine at the Regent Theater.
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"This is real and it's an emergency," Mr. Cox deadpanned on Twitter on Friday.
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"Congratulations to those men," Rae deadpanned to the camera after reading out the nominees.
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"I wish, I would have done that a long time ago," Miyamoto deadpanned back.
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"If Meghan Markle can't get past me," Mr. Odell deadpanned, "the wedding is off."
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"Yes, maybe it all comes out of boredom," Mr. Weiss once deadpanned to an interviewer.
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"Well, he had a pulse and he was a point guard," coach Rick Carlisle deadpanned.
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He deadpanned right to the camera before turning his head upward and swishing his sleeves.
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"We cannot rule out the evil genius hypothesis," he deadpanned during a Caltech press conference.
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Asked to what he attributed his lead in the polls, McCain deadpanned: "My good looks."
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" Speaking to the Courier-Journal, Marzian deadpanned, "I want to protect these men from themselves.
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"Yeah, that's how I planned it, so that was nice," Ennis deadpanned after the game.
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"It was not a good year to run when Obama and Clinton ran," he deadpanned.
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"If Fabián dies, he isn't worth much," deadpanned Joel Magallan, the founder of Asociación Tepeyac.
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", to which Trebek deadpanned, "Yup -- and I did it exactly like she does, didn't I?
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"This is not how I expected I'd be spending my retirement," Conlin's wife, Jeanne, deadpanned.
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" Later, when asked whether he was surprised by Bolton's firing, Pompeo deadpanned: "I'm never surprised.
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" Mr. Broderick deadpanned: "You have so little respect for the money the audience has spent.
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"Whether or not you get hit on the head by an acorn," Ms. Faludi deadpanned.
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"It's actually irritating as s— because when we started out, I had dark hair," deadpanned Clooney.
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"No wonder he's leaving," the NPR correspondent Susan Stamberg deadpanned in a report on the party.
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" Asked whether its magic ever worked on any of her first dates, Ms. Nania deadpanned, "No.
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"There wasn't much of it," deadpanned television host Ryan Seacrest of the outfit during the E!
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"Go home 2018, you're drunk," CNN anchor Jake Tapper deadpanned in the wake of the news.
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"I'll tell you when you turn the tape off," he deadpanned before breaking into a beatific grin.
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"Turnip — for what," she deadpanned into the camera, a glorious purple and white root vegetable in hand.
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In the political ad, Kemp is deadpanned, polishing a shotgun while seated next to a young man.
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"These courts have never really seen play like this before," his castmate, the actress Zoë Winters, deadpanned.
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"He had a couple good plays you know," Coach Andy Reid deadpanned to reporters after the game.
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"I would like to apologize for saying that children in America should have health care," he deadpanned.
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"We're having some fun here tonight," he deadpanned with all the enthusiasm as someone experiencing root canal surgery.
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"Well, we didn't choose him to be our wedding photographer — he just decided to livestream it," she deadpanned.
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" But it was the last line that really brought down the house, as Rachel Dratch deadpanned, "It's official.
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Savannah knew the cameras were on her, too, as she flashed a sly smile and deadpanned those watching.
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" Pressed about the part with Mulvaney, he deadpanned that "the part with Mr. Mnuchin went very, very well.
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"Congratulations to those men," Issa Rae deadpanned as she announced the Best Director nominees on the Oscars livestream.
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"It's a congratulations for me being the oldest person in the draw or something like that," she deadpanned.
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" In response, the star of Life, which is in theaters Friday, deadpanned, "Wow… that's a really dumb super power.
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"She had a Sunday ceramics class she couldn't get out of," Kimmel deadpanned at the beginning of the telecast.
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"It's unclear if Gallagher attempted to pay for his order with drugs the second time," the Associated Press deadpanned.
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Everything about the card, from his deadpanned gaze to the slightly raised left eyebrow, makes this card a masterpiece.
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" But lo, Ron Howard's contradictory narrator voice from Arrested Development deadpanned from the heavens and proclaimed, "they were wrong.
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"The trickle-down crowd is now having a beer party in the Rose Garden," Pelosi deadpanned after the vote.
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"She gets to be pissed off at her husband, which I think would be fun for her," he deadpanned.
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"The way I'll console myself on this expedition is to remind myself that nobody's shooting at me," Rudd deadpanned.
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"Morality is a job for priests," he deadpanned in a recent interview, between puffs of an ever-present cigarette.
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"We'll see how long that lasts," the GMA co-anchor deadpanned about the 6-year-old's interest before chuckling.
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Give me a good review on Yelp," she deadpanned, as he added, "Swift Nails is the place to go.
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"Hopefully, we'll keep it to 12 per quarter tonight," Golden State coach Steve Kerr deadpanned prior to the game.
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"Sad news as the United States was found dead last night in its North American home," a newscaster deadpanned.
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"I know many of you were waiting to hear what Romney would be saying about our president," he deadpanned.
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"I thought it would just be great to spend 48 hours in subzero temperatures in Des Moines," he deadpanned.
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"Well, we didn't choose him to be our wedding photographer — he just kind of decided to livestream it," she deadpanned.
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"As far as I can tell," she deadpanned to Jimmy Kimmel on Monday, "he is as healthy as a horse."
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"We keep trudging," she deadpanned, ostensibly resigned to the precariousness of both the art world and the world at large.
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"When I get through that list, if I'm not in the insane asylum, maybe I'll watch this one," he deadpanned.
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"My idea for an app is where you would see what you and your dog's baby would look like," she deadpanned.
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"It's not a comedy," the film's star, Matt Damon, deadpanned to reporters after landing a Globe for best actor in a comedy.
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"We have very little talent, actually, it was most coaching," he deadpanned before saying he had the best job in the world.
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When asked how this could be, Koitka deadpanned that he produced his own natural neoprene, the synthetic rubber used in wet suits.
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"It's an election year and I want everyone to know that after careful consideration, I decided I'm going with Trump," the comedian deadpanned.
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"Or the fact that he has three balls," Levine deadpanned about his partner in bromance, who, sadly, was not present for this interaction.
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" When Ellen questioned that last statement, Alba added, "I should go to the gym," to which the host deadpanned, "You really look horrible.
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"And now the nominees for best musical of the century: 'Hamilton,' 'Hamilton,' 'Yentl' and 'Hamilton,'" Ms. Streisand's character, played by Gina Kreiezmar, deadpanned.
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Speed," Alexander deadpanned before saying, "Nah, the answer to speed is smartness and being on top of your game and doing your job.
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The best comeback came from Jets' coach Paul Maurice, who deadpanned a nice little monologue about how lucky NHL players are to play anywhere.
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"No idiots could be found to check the levels on the pontoons themselves without protection," the local TV presenter deadpanned during a broadcast Monday.
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"Hats off for execution," Weaver deadpanned before Sanders took the stage in Keene on Sunday night, offering some cheeky praise to the Biden team.
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"I wanted to learn to play, so I thought it would be appropriate to buy the most beautiful guitar in the store," she deadpanned.
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"I'm sure that when Vladimir Putin was told quote 'cut it out' unquote, I'm sure that Vladimir Putin immediately stopped all cyber activities," he deadpanned.
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"I just want you to know," he deadpanned to the union men—twinkly old Uncle Joe style—that he "had permission to hug" their leader.
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"I left my day job to continue writing, which has been very lucrative," deadpanned Dan Wilbur, a 29-year-old writer and stand-up comic.
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His appearance is still youthful, and unlike on television where Griffin delivers gruff, deadpanned instructions to fighters, he is animated in conversation and smiles easily.
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He talked about his presence on 4chan, the online message board and alt-right breeding ground ("That's where the scary memes come from," he deadpanned).
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"Apparently this 19th-century satire on Russian bureaucracy had annoyed the Russians or the bureaucrats or both," The Times deadpanned in reporting on the controversy.
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Asked last week about the status of the talks, Mr. Wicker, who once mused that a privacy proposal would be public by early September, deadpanned.
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When told Wednesday of Al Jazeera America's plans to shut down, Mr. Manning deadpanned, "I'm sure it's going to be just devastating to all their viewers."
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"When they told me I had to stop, it was like someone told me the ice cream man wasn't coming on a hot day," Linton deadpanned.
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"Well it looks like we are now being penalized for my spoiler and the award has been taken away and given to Carson Daly," she deadpanned.
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"He was regarded as a spy, a somewhat strange spy," deadpanned Choi, adding that he was also fined for arriving in North Korea without a visa.
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"We've been trying to stay young, trying to preserve ourselves like those sexy man-boys you saw on TV," McKenzie deadpanned to the audience between songs.
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"I grew up in a city and look where I ended up," she deadpanned, her eyes turned slightly upward, looking around at vast fields of farmland.
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" Describing Aristotle Onassis' ostentatious yacht, she deadpanned: "I would love to tell you the precious mosaic swimming pool on deck was filled with champagne, but it wasn't.
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|
But the two-hour set was entirely old material, including an updated "Daft Punk Is Playing at My House": "Pharrell's in the band now," Mr. Murphy deadpanned.
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" Quizzed about his promotion of a cholesterol drug that had many side effects, including hair loss, Sackler deadpanned, "I would prefer to have thin hair to thick coronaries.
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The two deadpanned in a snap that had them talking about what a romantic date they were having before panning to Teigen's mom, who was on her phone.
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"It's been a really calm week at the White House," Mr. Trump deadpanned to journalists who had spent the past several days documenting the chaos inside his administration.
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"I was mad — I always had grand anger as a kid about how status and stardom were out of my grasp, like most 7-year-olds," he deadpanned.
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"Think cafeteria committee," Gorsuch deadpanned -- referring to the fact that the junior-most justice experiences a gentle hazing that includes the assignment overseeing the court's oft-criticized cafeteria food.
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"You forgot the children dying of cancer," deadpanned Kimberly Guilfoyle, who was at one point rumored to be a possible replacement for Sean Spicer as the president's press secretary.
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" Earlier, while telling the bearded, T-shirt-wearing Dorsey about the executive he portrays in the film, Hanks deadpanned: "You know that he's a diabolical genius because he's got a beard.
|
|
" MSNBC's Stephanie Ruhle and Ali Velshi made guest appearances in the apocalyptic video alongside veteran journalist Katie Couric, who deadpanned, "I'd rather get another televised colonoscopy than cover the 2020 election.
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|
"Spending time with people in this room, the one thing you want to walk away with is... the recipe to that carrot drink," he deadpanned as the guests broke out laughing.
|
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" — STEPHEN COLBERT Mr. Noah deadpanned: "Guys, I don't know how to break this to you, but I think the president might be racist," adding, "As someone from South Shithole, I'm offended.
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That spot is now occupied by one of the store's employees, Katie Berry, a 22-year-old graduate in English from Harvard ("Surprise," she deadpanned) who was spending her third summer sleeping amid the stacks.
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"Finally, we're being protected from the overbearing press," deadpanned Senate Democratic Whip Dick Durbin (D-Ill.), who said he'd heard there would be a 15 minute delay from adjournment before questions could be asked. Sen.
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" And the questions about the former vice president have become so common in the Capitol that Carper, when approached by a reporter on an unrelated topic, deadpanned: "Yes, Joe Biden, I'd be happy to support him.
|
|
"We did our research, and we found that Napoleon played in the first Ryder Cup in 21977," deadpanned Andy Pick, an Englishman who had crossed the Channel with a similarly dressed friend, Jonathan Brown from Bath.
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"It seemed at this year's prayer breakfast, people felt the need to pray a little longer," he deadpanned, triggering laughter throughout the jam-packed department lobby where new secretaries traditionally greet the staff on their first day.
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Holtz and Johnson were such colorful coaching figures that the project can't help but be entertaining, including Holtz's deadpanned line to his team that if they were going to brawl with the Hurricanes, to save Johnson for him.
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" Asked by ABC red carpet host Michael Strahan if he has any plans to avoid Kimmel's ire, Damon deadpanned, "I don't know, he's talentless himself, but unfortunately he's got an incredible group of writers who work for him.
|
|
Warren deadpanned through some material during what was ostensibly a parody of Laura Ingraham's Fox News show — another impression in McKinnon's wheelhosue — when the comedian quickly changed and popped up on screen next to the Bay State senator.
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They've said in the few interviews that they've given that they're content to operate as People's Religion or Prison Relations, or "any cool acronym using P and R," Warren Jones—aka False Prpht, half of the group—once deadpanned.
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The Academy Award-winning actor plays an overworked mom, a vacationer, an Olympic runner, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and many more while delivering a deadpanned monologue about how Americans multitask too much — and maybe that's not actually a bad thing.
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"If I fall in my dress, just leave me for dead," Tina Fey deadpanned to Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph as the buddy-trio walked toward center stage to rehearse lines they'll deliver as presenters during Sunday's 91st Academy Awards.
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More recently, her offhand comment while presenting this year's Best Director Oscar nominations of the all-male nominees ("Congratulations to those men," she deadpanned) put her back in the position to field questions about the state of inclusion in her industry.
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"Thank you for your concern for my storage space," Moore deadpanned after she was asked the question again after she scored 22 points, grabbed eight rebounds, and dished out six assists to win the M.V.P. award on her home court.
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"I was lucky enough to be directed by Jodie in a movie called – wait for it – The Beaver," deadpanned Lawrence, recalling her stint in Foster's 2011 film featuring Mel Gibson as a man who can only communicate through a puppet shaped like a stuffed beaver.
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"The one thing we all agreed on, our chief aim, was to be totally unpredictable and never to repeat ourselves," Mr. Jones deadpanned to The New York Times in 22006, when the group had a rare reunion at the Ziegfeld Theater in New York.
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"This question of President Trump, and he did lay out the possibility that he was going to testify, I would think that that would be akin to Prince Andrew testifying about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, which one British critic said was like an airplane crashing into an oil tanker causing a tsunami that set off a nuclear explosion," deadpanned Wallace.
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Christian Slater, who plays Mr. Robot in the show, deadpanned at a panel later in the day that working on the show didn't make him want to be a hacker, but it did make him beef up his personal security: "My level of awareness of all that tech stuff has increased, with the updating of the passwords and all of those things," he said.
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They've said in the few interviews that they've given that they're content to operate as People's Religion or Prison Relations, or "any cool acronym using P and R," Warren Jones—aka False Prpht, half of the group—once deadpanned[...] Today, they're releasing a statement that makes all this make a little more sense, in the form of a six-track project called O FUCC IM ON THE WRONG PLANET.
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